Depression

I distinctly remember looking out my den window, watching people come and go from a block up the road, near where I suspected trees led to some nice paths.  And I couldn't figure out how they were finding the will to walk.  I genuinely couldn't imagine doing the same thing.

Some of this post is regurgitated from a few posts ago, with more detail.  Apologies.

Years ago, my GP told me I needed to start doing 30 minutes a day of walking.  Such a simple task.  But I couldn't see how.  I wake up in the morning, I get on a computer and the day disappears.  How can I go walking with that kind of schedule?  I certainly won't change my schedule because that's what I enjoy, what makes me happy.

Then on Sept 9, I had a new thought experiment.  

Mid-August, I went camping for a couple nights in Darlington Provincial Park.  I found I had to use the washroom at, like, 04:00 or something.  The park was silent and still.  And I found that pretty cool.  

I wonder if Mississauga is ever like that?

So on Sept 10, I went out walking at about 05:00.  I'd been experimenting with going to bed early and getting up stupid early for a few weeks, so this was doable.  And it was a great walk.  

I only thought to do maybe 15 minutes, nothing big.  But I didn't get back home for about 72 minutes.  I found there was a great path next to a creek really close to my home, and I explored it and beyond.  I found new things in the area I'd lived in for 15 years.

I started going for more morning walks.  Most over an hour.  Different directions, different neighbourhoods.  Checked out the new Cooksville Go station.  Fascinating.

I then cleaned up the living room a bit, dug out my mountain bike and the stationary trainer it was on, and tried doing some riding in front of the TV.  Remember that I hate stationary cycling, unless I'm _really_ fit and enjoy the pain enough to push past the boredom in my thoughts.  But I did it.  Within days, that criminal boredom forced me to actually take the bicycle outside and start riding!

While I don't go walking every day, as of November 20, I have done something active every day since Sept 10.  Maybe just 16 flights of stairs (I live on 18, start on ground (1), and there's no floor 13 of course), maybe I go out on the bicycle, or maybe I end up on the motorcycle and stay in the hotel and use their fitness room.  The bare minimum, if I do nothing else, is 16 flights of stairs.  

When I think about my mindset preventing me from just going walking, I call that Depression.  

I have not been clinically diagnosed with anything.  However, I'm reasonably sure I suffer from Depression.  I'm not pursuing a formal diagnosis though because I don't see the point; it seems to me it is something for me to sort out, and is often borne of my own poor decisions and actions.

I say this because I can see dramatic emotional changes in myself sometimes.

This program has allowed me to see a future I can get excited about.  I'm not just reading about losing weight.  I've lost a ton, I can see I've lost a ton, and I know how I can maintain a healthy lifestyle now.  

Next:  Aches and Pains